Few Questions which we have to answer…

I remember her dark, large eyes which spoke thousand words. I can still recall her cheerful laugh which greeted us whenever we visited her. My nose is still able to remind that lingering aroma of the hot and delicious ‘Luchi & Aloor Dum’ she offered us. She had the perfect housewife or Grihanee skills imbibed in her soul.

I was barely in my pre teenage days when one of my playmates cum neighbor informed me that ‘Sen Dadu got married again’. Mr. Sen was our retired neighbor who was in his mid-sixties and was widowed couple of years back. With due course of time, we came to see new Mrs. Sen whom we addressed as Sen Dida (A bong way to address grandma). Although Sen Dida in her thirties was too young to be termed as grandma but her relation with Mr.Sen automatically upgraded her position as universal ‘Sen Dida’. Soon, all the neighborhood kids including me became great fan of her. She helped us in our school craft projects with her creativity. She seemed like some angel who was able to transform trash items into splendid craft work. While we visited her place to just sit and watch our art work being made, she sneaked in between to get scrumptious snacks & eatables for us. Those days we were too young to notice any discrepancy in her perfect life other than her thirty years of age gap with her spouse.

Few years passed on, Sen Couple shifted to another locality of the city. We almost lost touch with them. Also, with growing age, I came to know many veiled facts about her gloomy life. Sen Dida was eldest of three daughters of her parents and she lost her father while she was still in her teens. She struggled hard to maintain her studies and started working at an early age to meet the ends of her family. Time flew and she found herself at the threshold of thirties after she was able to marry off her sisters with her meager income. Her mother’s demise instigated her relatives to bundle her off to marry any Tom, Dick or Harry whoever came across their way. They never thought twice before arranging here alliance with a man more than twice her age. She was almost pushed into an unequal, loveless and abusive relationship by the society who thought that without getting married she might remain incomplete in her life!

Mr. Sen was an autocratic, misogynist patriarch who held his bad temper as the alibi to hit her regularly. She tolerated all his atrocities silently and never raised any bleak protest. I saw her again after many years when I went for my tuition classes in her locality. She looked visibly ill. Her blank stare which refused to recognize me cemented the rumor that she had lost her worldly senses because of violence she is subjected to in her house by her husband. I came to know from grapevine that she was never provided any professional medical help by Mr.Sen even after she got badly injured on her head once when he threw a vase on her. She died after few months pathetically struggling for her life while her body refused to recover from the internal bleeding & injuries.

I still wonder why a literate, skilled and jovial human being like her has to suffer throughout her life.  I am not merely pointing out here that the domestic violence in her house could have been stopped by timely intervention of neighbors but I am trying to sketch out the deeper reason for the whole scenario.

Why it is important for a female in Indian culture to get married? I mean, she would have led a comfortable, peaceful and above all sane life if she had not been forced into this marriage. She had the skills; she could have done something better to her life on her own rather than subjecting to inhuman torture by her whimsical spouse. Why it was necessary to pass the baton of control to a man through the institution called marriage?

Why was she never able to muster courage to get a divorce? Just because that her parents were not alive, but, I know numerous similar cases where the girl’s parents are alive but always ask their daughter to ‘adjust and compromise’ with their abusive spouses rather getting divorced and being called as ‘Chhodi hui aurat’. You see ‘Getting married & Staying married’ is far more important in Indian society than any individual’s life.

 

Why was she never able to give back to her psychologically & physically abusive husband? It has been ingrained in our society to consider husband as demigod – Pati parameshwar! A girl child since her birth is made to understand that she belongs to the inferior race of mankind. Her will, her wishes, her dreams, her opinion does not stand anywhere in front of her male counterpart. She is born to exhibit her sacrificing skills.

These questions do compel me to ponder that the violence or atrocities against women can only be eliminated by change of mindset of this Neanderthal society which hides behind the curtain of culture whenever these kinds of happenings takes place. The outlook towards women has to be changed. Society has to accept her individual human being, who is not inferior or stands lower in social pedestal, who has mind of its own, who is able to take decisions of her life.

Untold warning signs…!!

It is almost six in the morning. The walls of hospital’s corridor echoed loud shrieks of Shobha who was howling uncontrollably over her 19 year old daughter Pinky’s charred body. After struggling for life for almost ten days, Pinky succumbed to her burn injuries this dawn.  Shobha’s husband Govind stood like a stone in one corner of the Burns Ward of the Government hospital.

While Shobha was cursing her fate, Pinky’s in laws, and their helplessness in single breath on the top of her voice, Govind remembered the expression of disappointment on the face of his daughter when her marriage was arranged around a year back. Pinky had just completed her school exams then. She was an above average student who scored decent marks in all her exams till then. Otherwise meek, introvert & submissive Pinky had just one wish – She wanted to be a graduate. However, being the eldest daughter of a carpenter with three younger siblings she understood the monetary limitations of her father. She worked part-time in the local beauty parlor to cover her education expenses.

Govind was also not in favor of marrying her first born so early, but he was too timid to express his opinion to his elder brother Ramlal who brought this alliance for Pinky.

‘They are well to do family, though the boy is a school drop- out, he is doing well as a bus driver. See, the important fact is that he is earning so why we have to bother about his education. Also, we know them since long– that boy is a distant cousin of your Bhabhi’, Ramlal boisterously detailed the family background of the proposed groom.

‘But Bhaiya, I am not prepared at all right now’, Govind mildly tried to avert the discussion.

‘You would never be. With your seasonal income from carpentry, you can never save enough to get your daughters married. But, don’t you worry. Your elder brother is still alive who would take care of marriage expenses ‘.

‘That was the first warning sign which I missed’, Govind though in his mind. Why he never tried to investigate that his otherwise selfish & aloof brother’s family wanted to participate in his daughter’s wedding so enthusiastically.  He missed out another big warning sign when he was almost pressurized in lieu of his circumstances to sell off his part of land to his elder brother to arrange a motor bike as a gift for the groom. That time again Ramlal was able to convince him by saying that ‘This boy is a good catch, so you should not let him go’.

But the real fact was more twisted and ugly than it seems. Soon, after her marriage Pinky came to know that her husband is an alcoholic who wastes all his meager income in his addiction and is financially dependent on his father for his survival. A hopeless individual, whose family found a new money minting machine in his newlywed wife, would dance to his family’s tunes to pressurize Pinky to get more and more dowry for them. They never bat an eyelid to beat her black and blue whenever she refused to oblige them.

‘Baoji, I fell down in the washroom, it was too slippery there’, Pinky uttered hastily while covering other bruises all over her body with her saree. Why he never paid heed to that warning sign? The repenting guilt numbs his senses. His Pinky could have been saved. He should have tried to listen beyond her fake excuses & blank stares.

Their demands for dowry continued. He tried his best to satiate their thirst for worldly items but it seemed that their greed was like unending dark hell-hole. Govind’s mind again squirmed in pain. Why he never paid any attention to that warning sign which clearly intended their selfish and greedy motive?

Why he was not able to judge the magnitude of the suffering her daughter faced? Was it the fear of the society that pulled him back? Those ravenous monsters took his silence as sheer encouragement and last month Pinky was sent back to him with a demand of hard cash which her husband would use as a capital to start some petty business. Pinky never conveyed that demand to her parents as she was aware of her family’s shabby financial condition.

Just a day after she went back, that so called ‘accident while cooking’ took place. They dumped her in the hospital and never returned to check her once. Why was Govind not able to decipher any of those warning signs? Why he left his daughter in the clutches of those vultures?

All of a sudden, hysterical screams of his wife Shobha jolted Govind out of his thoughts. He has learnt the moral of life in a hard way. He has two more daughters….and he would never let them follow the ill-fated path of Pinky’s life.

Confessions of Life – 2

Today I woke up with a very mixed feeling. I had a dream…a weird dream. I saw that I went to my family friend’s place for preparation of some social community function ( as we used to do almost 15 years  back) and one of the guy whom I know was behaving as my boyfriend and making me feel really special in front of others. Even I was enjoying that secure & loved feeling and woke with that trace of ‘feel good’ factor. It almost revived my feelings of teenage days.

After that, I felt too uncanny as how can I even imagine of that guy in that set-up. He is too younger than me. Also, a feeling of petulance ran through my heart as realized that this ‘feel good’ feeling is absolutely missing from my life lately.

It is not that I am in a bad marriage. My spouse is quite loving, mature and understanding. But, somehow I think being parent has shifted our centre of focus and both of us happily accepted this change. Also, everyone thinks me as the strong person. So, even my hubby never thought that I also might sometimes need to be protected, need to be pampered. I felt so bad with this kind of infidelity in dreams. 

 

But, one thought really lingered in my mind….Am I going through ‘mid-life crisis ’? Isn’t it too early for a person in their early thirties? I don’t know…might be possible I am missing my past which I generally do not acknowledge with my conscious mind. Whatever, now have to get back to reality …lots of cooking needs to be done for tonight’s dinner and tomorrow’s lunch….heading towards kitchen.

Amber tales…face palm moments for Mamma!!

Now since I have got some spare time in my hand( Thanks to the Diwali break!), I thought of jotting down few of Amber-tales on this space.

Amber is now almost five and a half-year old however, most of the time I feel like I am dealing with a fifteen year old! Emotional tussles have become frequent in our relation and I feel really scared to witness her being far more emotionally stronger than me. Anyway, I will keep that discussion for another post.

Tale 1.

I am having some problem with one of my half -erupted wisdom teeth since last few days.

Me: Amber, my tooth is really giving me hard time…do you have any solutions??

Amber: (while casually arranging some toys) Mamma, I think you talk too much, try talking less for some days!!

Me: #Facepalm!!

Tale 2.

I was trying to clean some drawers  and she was hanging around. Somehow, she managed to grab a pack of condoms.

Amber: Aha! Now I know where you hide the chewing gums from Daddy!!

Me: (In my mind) Hmm..what would I do with those chewing gums without your daddy!!  😉

Tale 3.

My dad has bought a tablet couple of months back. Since then, he is now found really engrossed with his latest possession. So, either he is accessing FB, or playing games or chatting on whatsapp constantly on his tablet. Somehow, I feel quite amused with his current technology-social media addiction.

Anyway, during bedtime as usual Amber was pouring zillion questions to me after her bedtime story.

Amber: Mamma, do you know, once people are dead they become stars in the sky!

Me: Okay…who told you so?

A: My friend ‘N’. Her grandma and her dog both has become stars. Her mamma told her that people grow old and later the become star.

Me: Hmmm. …( I was not in a mood to extend this discussion)

A: Mamma, your daddy is also old na!! when he would become star, I can recognize him at one go….that star would have a tablet in his hand! (grins widely)

Me: (Trying to pick up my jaws from the floor!)

Tale 4.

Amber was going to school in my car. Suddenly she started jumping with excitement after spotting bunch of newborn piglet in some nearby bush.

Amber: Mamma, see these babies so cute….they are so small and pink.

Me: Yeah, they are piglet who are just born.

A: Mamma, how these piglet come out of their Mamma’s tummy?

( Actually we have told her this story that doctor cut mother’s tummy to bring out the child. Though she was born a natural birth but we found this story the best to satiate her curious mind.)

Me: Those piglet’s mamma’s tummy is also cut to take the babies out.

A: But who cuts that?? Do pigs go to a doctor?

Me: (Trying to strangle myself out of this conversation hard) Yes, they have veterinary doctors.

A: But how did the mamma pig says the doctor that she has babies in her tummy??

Me: (Feeling helpless now) A Vet knows everything!! ( and quickly steering the conversation in other direction) Amber, do you know  what I have given you in your lunch-box today…

 

 

 

 

Confessions of my Life- 1

I wish to take this opportunity of blogging under a pseudo-name to blurt out few confessions of my life. To start with, I would pour out the bigger ones first.

It was somehow turbulent phase of my life. My relation with my boyfriend ( present hubby dear) was hitting quite low. We were almost on the verge of formal break-up. Surprisingly, we were still in talking terms and kept visiting each other’s place. One fine day, I came to know that he had been  forced to visit another city by his family to meet a girl whose alliance they have brought for his marriage. I was shocked. Something inside me shrieked and instructed me to act fast. I made up my mind. By hook or crook, I would bring him back to me.Damn about the saying that if you love someone, set him free, it would come back to you…blah blah!!!

I typed a letter pretending to be that girl and asked him not to accept the alliance. I wrote that I ( that girl) am in love with someone else and somehow lack the courage to say ‘No’ to my parents. But if  you (HD) reject me, then I can convince them for my lover.

I posted that letter and prayed to GOD that postal stamp on that should be smudged like it is in almost 80 percent of letters in India.Luckily, HD was never able to make out the truth. Yeah…he refused to marry that girl and asked his parents for permission to marry me.The whole ‘meeting the girl’ episode had already shaken him up and compelled him to realize my importance in his life. But, still today, I strongly believe that if you want something, you have to fight for it with all your might.

Pic courtesy: Google images

Go Green….

I am turning green…yes green with jealousy. I am not sure whether it is right or wrong but I am overwhelmed with creepy jealousy right now. It is suffocating me since I cannot discuss it with anyone…not even with HD. He would be so put off if he comes to know that I am feeling jealous of his light-eyed colleague. They work together…so they can talk to each other, call , message or mail each other. In team outings also, they would be together…that is so obvious. But now, when they are paired up in some town hall performance , I am just not able to handle this feeling.

Lost Friend…

Note: Since I am trying to merge my old blogs and thus deleting them so this is an old post which I am putting up.
MONDAY, 28 JANUARY 2013
Lost friend
If someone asks me that whether I would like to change any happenings of my life then what it would be? I have my answer ready. ‘My Marriage’.

No, I am not into a bad marriage who is subjected to domestic violence or mental harassment. My conjugal life is a perfect happy one. My hubby dear (HD) is a wonderful husband who respects his wife & is very loyal to his family life. He helps me in kitchen & other household chores, is a hands-on daddy to my li’l Amber, respects my parents, and above all gives me ample amount of mental space. Then why I am cribbing about my marriage?

Because , somehow I feel that I lost my best friend due to this marriage. Till now, I have always enjoyed the jealous pangs in people’s eyes when they are told that I married my best friend whom I had known since class ixth of school. But, now I feel my best friend is lost while giving way to a decent hubby.

I miss that friend who who used to coax me to speak my mind even if he sensed I am a bit upset. He used to talk to me mindlessly to ease out my muzzled thoughts. He would bring the ray of optimism in dark alleys of my mind engulfed in negative thoughts. On the contrary, HD casually goes off to sleep mentioning how self-motivated & optimist I am and how I am his source of energy even after knowing that I am feeling low & depressed. I miss him as a friend who would come rushing to my place to discuss his problems & listen to my confusions.

He has changed a lot. Everybody changes in their journey of life, so what is the big deal. But, when a friend shifts gear to transform himself into a nice hubby, I feel sad. I don’t know, why I am whining at all. Am I disrespecting my destiny which gifted me an understanding spouse? I love him a lot but somehow I feel my love has changed its face after he became my better half. Might be possible that this contentment of marrying him after a struggle has given birth to this numbing feeling. You can discuss everything with your best friend but not with your partner. Or, maybe I am overreacting! Now, when our problems are mostly same, might be he has no clue to the solutions, might be he also feel too much bogged down by similar low feelings and does not want to discuss about that stuff. But whatever, I am sure now that my best friend is lost and I might never meet him again in my life.

Mamma becomes ‘Talkative tortoise’!

In this blog, I would be often posting about my 3-year-old tornado like daughter who was the reason of my previous blog. I started as mommy blogger and then later kept pouring my opinions about everything in this world in that blog! But, one thing I realize whenever I go through the posts of my previous blog that I am able to almost relive my days when my daughter was born. I would refer her as ‘Amber’ in this blog.

One day, after bath I was applying moisturizer on her body and was trying to have dialogue with her. Generally, talking to her during these chores keeps her attention away from pulling out the cap of the moisturizer bottle and splashing almost 70 gms of it on her face at one go!

I was bit disturbed that morning to hear the news of a 3-year-old getting kidnapped near India Gate. So, I started telling Amber that how she should never accept any kind of sweet or candies from any stranger , and she should always tell us about it. She asked me ‘what about school?’, and I got carried away in the flow. I rattled all the do’s and don’ts in single breath!

Then I realized Amber was gaping my face with her jaws dropped. She instantly said ‘Mamma, why are you talking so much? You have become “Talkative Tortoise”….now you would also fall from the sky!!’ It almost sounded to my ears as ‘Mamma, don’t preach!’ Whoooosh….all my spirit of mommyhood blows off in a minute!!

I am back…!

So, I am back to blogging world after a long gap of 16 months and with a twist….!! This time I prefer to be anonymous. I had blogged with my real name earlier but this time the scenario has changed a bit. In this hiatus of more than a year there had been numerous times when I wanted to blog about so many things going around me but refrained because of my public identity.

I know this introduction sounds quite dramatized and when I talk about ‘my public identity’ it doesn’t implies that I have become any celebrity….but yes, now because of my work-profile I have to deal with so many people daily who are only aware of one layer of my persona and I don’t want to show them my other side 😉

Actually, somewhere deep inside my heart, I was dying to vent myself through my blog. But once I stopped jotting down my feelings regularly, a weird thing happened…I was just not able to pull myself up to write a single post once in a while as well. Anyways, it took me months to amass my spirit and start this blog. I understand that I have to start from scratch now. Whatever virtual identity I had created previously would not help me in this journey. Also, with this blog, I am trying to give myself some kind to thrust to write few post, though irregularly!! I know right now there are zero readers of this blog but still it feels good to blog imagining some audience…isn’t it!